#38: Drusilla

It may seem surprising to find Drusilla so low on this list. She's kind of a 'big bad', she's been on both series, she's an integral part of the 'four vampires' team that defines pre-soul Angelus's life. Her 21 episode count is the 25th highest among Buffyverse characters. So why so low?

Well, it has a lot to do with the way Drusilla's written. Juliet Landau brings the character a definite presence based often on little more than body language and wordless sounds... her actual words are short, terse sentences, mixing logic and nonsense. Among the many ways she and Spike contrast each other, this is one of the most obvious: Spike talks in long streams, Dru in short outbursts. They both command attention equally when they open their mouths.

Drusilla speaks so little that of 21 episodes, fully 18 are minor, and in each of the three ranking episodes, she ranks #4. Her per-episode average word count of 138 is second-lowest in the whole top 50, behind Ben.

Starting with episode three, David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon's “School Hard” (the début of both Dru and Spike), more than half of Drusilla's appearances occur in Buffy season two, yet none of those twelve episodes feature her in the top five: in six of them, she speaks less than 100 words. The two Spike-centred episodes of Season 5, “Fool for Love” and “Crush”, are the two Buffy episodes where Dru gets a #4 ranking – in the particular case of “Fool for Love”, it's with a meagre 190 words, since Spike and Buffy carry the majority of that episode's dialogue. The only other time we see her in Buffy is in Season 7's “Lies My Parents Told Me”, with a mere 60 words.

On Angel, Dru shows up in four episodes in seasons 2 and 5 for flashbacks only (in season 5's “The Girl in Question”, we see her in Italy in two different eras, yet still she gets only 17 words of dialogue), and only appears in L.A. for a two-episode stretch in order to re-sire Darla. The first of those, “Reunion”, is as close to a “Dru Episode” as we get in the Buffyverse, and is the only real occasion where we see Dru behaving on her own, and not in tandem with Spike or Angelus. Unsurprisingly, it's her highest word count overall. Perhaps just as unsurprisingly, it's still only 334 words, and still only a #4 ranking.

Since the convoluted story of each of the four main vampires is told largely in flashbacks, we see Drusilla in a dizzying array of places and locations. Breaking her word-count into time and place, we get the following stats:

• London, 1860: 191 words
• London, 1880: 313 words
• Yorkshire, 1880: 13 words
• Italy, 1894: 16 words
• Romania, 1898: 40 words
• China, 1900: 51 words
• Italy, 1950s: 1 word
• Sunnydale, 1996-97: 1371 words
• South America, 1998: 57 words
• Los Angeles, 2001: 529 words
• Sunnydale, 2001: 318 words

Note that the 96-year stretch between China and Sunnydale is represented with a single word (“Ciao”), and that almost half of her dialogue occurs in Season Two (where three of those words are in a dream of Buffy's and 59 of them are as Jenny in Giles' tortured mind) – she ranks #10 for characters in Season 2 with the most words. Though she appears in three episodes after it, “Crush” is the last we see of Drusilla, in non-flashback real time, and she ends the episode alive and kicking.

• Overall ranking: #38
• Ranking on Buffy: #28
• Ranking on Angel: #42
• Total words spoken on Buffy: 2095
• Season 2: 1527 (#10)
• Season 5: 508
• Season 7: 60
• Total words spoken on Angel: 805
• Season 2: 689
• Season 5: 116
• Total words spoken in the Buffyverse: 2900
• Total speaking appearances on Buffy: 15
• Ranking #4: 2
• Minor: 13
• Total speaking appearances on Angel: 6
• Ranking #4: 1
• Minor: 5
• Total speaking appearances in the Buffyverse: 21

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#39: Snyder

Principal Snyder is a pretty good example of tenacity: he makes it onto this list, at 39th no less, without ever really being a character of any consequence. There are no 'Snyder episodes', and most of the time he's just a minor annoyance: a mosquito buzzing around the ears of the main characters.

Which is not to demean the character at all: Principal Snyder's strengths lie in his mean-spirited small-mindedness, and Armin Shimerman plays him wonderfully. He's the second Sunnydale High principal we meet, all the way back in season one, in the episode, “The Puppet Show”, scripted by Rob Des Hotel and Dean Batali. Though this début appearance is actually his third-wordiest, it's still 'minor', falling outside of the top five. In a total of eighteen episodes of Buffy, Snyder makes the top five precisely twice: finishing fifth in “School Hard” and finishing fourth in “Band Candy”, where his performance as an excitable geek is one of the episode's several highlights. Even at that, he gets a mere 355 words in, not a huge number. His least significant appearance, word-wise, is also his next-to-last appearance as a living human: “Graduation Day, Part One”, where he gets a mere 37 words of dialogue. The episode immediately following that one, “Graduation Day, Part Two”, is the last episode of season three, and the last episode featuring Buffy and friends as high school students. Fittingly, the destruction of the high school occurs in the same episode as Snyder's own demise, eaten by the Mayor. Yet we do see him once more, in Xander's dream during the finale of season four, “Restless”.

Lastly, let's spare a moment or two for Principal Flutie, whose three appearances keep him well outside of the top fifty. As great a character as Snyder undoubtedly is, his malicious intent would be completely ill-suited to the series début, where Flutie's well-meaning bumbling fits much better. And secondly, Flutie is important as the first recurring character to die. As evidence that Buffy was not like other shows, not afraid to kill off characters in service of the plot, Flutie is the series' Cedric Diggory (making Jenny the series' Sirius Black, I suppose).

• Overall ranking: #39
• Ranking on Buffy: #24
• Total words spoken on Buffy: 2694
• Season 1: 417
• Season 2: 1229
• Season 3: 967
• Season 4: 81
• Total speaking appearances on Buffy: 18
• Ranking #4: 1
• Ranking #5: 1
• Minor: 16

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#40: Illyria

There's this great part on the bonus features of the Angel Season 5 DVD where Amy Acker is talking about how Joss Whedon said to her, “We're killing off Fred. But don't worry: you're still on the show.” When Angel aired for the first time, I can remember that a change in my working schedule meant I had to miss a few months' worth of episodes. I remember sitting down to watch my first episode after that gap, completely flabbergasted: “Why is Fred blue? Why do they keep calling her something else?”

It's a testament to the writers' abilities that they could take something so convoluted and potentially hokey as a god-like ancient 'old one' demon being released from its sarcophagus and taking over a person's body and make it work, and it's a testament to Amy Acker's stop-on-a-dime acting abilities that it's so compelling. From down-home Texas girl to regal ice queen in a flash: not everyone can carry that off.

“This will do.” That is the whole of Illyria's dialogue in the Joss Whedon-written “A Hole in the World”, her début. It's the eighth-to-last episode of the whole series, but she appears in every one thereafter (becoming, of course, a 'main character' instantly, since Amy Acker is among the core cast). Excluding the three-word first episode, Illyria's least weighty episode is the Connor episode “Origin”, with only 192 words. It's one of five 'minor' episodes for Illyria, who shows up in the top five three times: Surpisingly, #5 in “The Girl in Question”, unsurprisingly #4 in the first full post-Fred episode “Shells” and #2, and 865 words, in the Illyria episode “Time Bomb”. She survives the series finale. This series of episodes is enough to give Illyria the #9 spot, four points below Fred, on the list of characters with the highest word count on Season 5.

Please note that for statistical purposes, Illyria using Fred's voice or Fred's, er, skin colour does not constitute a word count for Fred: after Fred's death, all of Amy Acker's words belong to Illyria except for a single 33-word incident in “Underneath” where we witness Fred in a dream of Wesley's. We do see Fred in flashbacks at the end of “Shells”, but we don't hear her.

• Overall ranking: #40
• Ranking on Angel: #20
• Total words spoken on Angel: 2596
• Season 5: 2596 (#9)
• Total speaking appearances on Angel: 8
• Ranking #2: 1
• Ranking #4: 1
• Ranking #5: 1
• Minor: 5

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#41: Kennedy

The negative reaction to this season-seven character, a potential slayer and a love interest for Willow, is perhaps more of a testament to the fanbase's love of Tara than to anything inherent in the character, or in Iyari Limon's portrayal of her. But the rich 'brat' and po-faced born fighter, by far the most significant potential slayer, is perhaps not the easiest character to love.

In truth, she doesn't really do all that much, and even though she appears in fully thirteen episodes – more than half of the season – her appearances are minor in all but two of them. At times, the numbers are embarrassing: consider the three-episode run of episodes 16 through 18, “Storyteller”, “Lies My Parents Told Me” and “Dirty Girls”, where she gets in 21 words, 8 words and 23 words respectively. Barely even worth mentioning, really.

Though we first meet her, as one of the first three potentials in Buffy's house, in episode 10, “Bring on the Night”, written by Marti Noxon and Doug Petrie, it's the next episode, “Showtime”, where she shows up in the top five: number four, to be precise. By far her most significant appearance, and her only real appearance as anything beyond just another potential, is in the Willow episode “The Killer in Me”, where a kiss between the two girls starts off the episode's action. Kennedy speaks 771 words and comes in second in the overall count, behind (of course) Willow.

At 113 words, her appearance in the series finale “Chosen” is relatively insignificant. Yet she gets to be one of that select group standing in front of the school bus for that final scene, still alive after the fight (and bound to carry on in the comic books).

• Overall ranking: #41
• Ranking on Buffy: #25
• Total words spoken on Buffy: 2481
• Season 7: 2481
• Total speaking appearances on Buffy: 13
• Ranking #2: 1
• Ranking #4: 4
• Minor: 11

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#42: Gwen

How special a character do you have to be to make it as high as 42 on this list – higher than more than a few significant long-term characters – with only three appearances? Well, you have to be about as special as Electro-Gwen, the 'freak' who decisively walks all over any scene that features her. Able to manipulate energy to her own will but unable to touch another human in safety, Gwen was a completely original, albeit comic-based, character who was deeply interesting and well-written, and Alexa Davalos's effortlessly sexy and compelling performance entirely demands that you remember this character, despite the relatively paltry screen time given to her.

Her story is played out entirely within season four, where she's actually tenth for most words spoken that season. It starts in the season's second episode, the Mere Smith-penned “Ground State”, where she serves as an ambivalent nemesis to Team Angel, searching for an item to allow them to contact Cordelia. Her début performance gives her a placing at #3, behind Angel and Fred but ahead of Gunn, whom she momentarily kills. At 551 words, this is, surprisingly, her least substantial appearance, word-wise. Seven episodes later, she gets another #3 ranking in “Long Day's Journey”, her only real appearance in the 'turgid supernatural soap opera' that defines the majority of the fourth season. That phrase is said by Gunn in her third and final appearance, “Players”, a stand-alone episode that feels like a real breath of fresh air after countless season-arc episodes. Though it's actually a resolution to Gwen's story, it's also her finest moment: 1108 words, and a number-one ranking, slightly ahead of Gunn. Between the two of them, they say more than half of the words in this episode. Able, in the end, to control her electrical impulses, she survives the season and is not heard from again until the canonical post-TV comic book series.

With no cameos whatsoever, Gwen has an amazing average of 808 words per episode: among people in the top 50, no character on either show, except Buffy herself, averages that many words. Not even Angel.

• Overall ranking: #42
• Ranking on Angel: #21
• Total words spoken on Angel: 2424
• Season 4: 2424 (#10)
• Total speaking appearances on Angel: 3
• Ranking #1: 1
• Ranking #3: 2

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#43: Amy

For a minor character, Elizabeth Anne Allen's Amy has shown a remarkable longevity, appearing as a central character in the first 'regular' episode of the series, following the two-part début, showing up off and on throughout the seasons all the way to season 7, and carrying on even into the comic book continuation, “Season Eight”. All this despite spending several of the show's seasons as a rat.

Amy's first appearance, in the Dana Reston-scripted “Witch”, is already an atypical one. Though she shows up at #5, with 393 words, 239 of those words are spoken by Amy in the body of her mother. Only 154 of Amy's words are from Elizabeth Anne Allen's mouth (though she says 312 words as Catherine Madison in Amy's body, most of which are spoken before we realise the switch has occurred: if we counted actors and not characters, she'd be #4). We then get an appearance per season: another #5 in season two's “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” and a surprisingly small 67 words in the witch-centred “Gingerbread”.

Then, she's a rat until season 6, barring the series' best visual joke in season four's “Something Blue”, where she appears for only a split-second. But as she says no words, her next speaking appearance is a stretch of three appearances in season six as 'enabler' to Willow's magic addiction, scoring number-fives in “Smashed” and “Wrecked” and a minor in “Doublemeat Palace”. Amy's final appearance is in season seven's “The Killer in Me”, the episode that provides closure to Willow's main plotlines. Quite surprisingly, it is here that she scores her highest number of words: 447, and a number four finish. She survives season seven.

• Overall ranking: #43
• Ranking on Buffy: #27
• Total words spoken on Buffy: 2241
• Season 1: 393
• Season 2: 355
• Season 3: 67
• Season 6: 979
• Season 7: 447
• Total speaking appearances on Buffy: 7
• Ranking #4: 1
• Ranking #5: 4
• Minor: 2

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#44: Sahjhan

Sahjhan is a non-corporeal time-shifting alien from Angel. What all that means is that he has no substance in this dimension – like a ghost – for most of his storyline, but can move through time at his will. At best, he's an agent: in order to allow someone from Angel(us)'s past to pursue him in the modern day, a character like Sahjhan was necessary. Thus, even though he shows up on the top fifty, and actually comes in ninth for worst spoken in season three, he's not really all that important of a character, except as the main agent of the deception (rewriting of prophecy) that causes Wesley to be estranged from his friends and that causes Connor to be raised in a hell dimension.

So for a character of no great import beyond being an agent to move the plot forward, it's interesting that Jack Conley gives him a real screen presence: wise-cracking and attitudinal, smoking cigarettes, making jokes, hitting on Lilah. Sahjhan shows up 8 times in total, all but one appearance occurring in season 3 and all but one appearance being 'minor' (in other words, not being one of the characters in the 'top five', with the most words per episode). We first meet him in season 3 episode 7, “Offspring”, written by David Greenwalt, where he speak a mere 99 words. His chief performance, however, is in “Quickening”, the episode that immediately follows it. Though it is hardly a 'Sahjhan episode', though its main purpose is to provide the Holtz back-story, Sahjhan says more words than anyone else in this episode: 550 words, which in other episodes would rank a #3 or #4 at best (in “Guise Will Be Guise”, Angel drops off the top five count altogether with only eight words fewer than this). After that quasi-starring role, though, it's back to the sidelines. His remaining five appearances that season are all below the top five, though 329 words in “Loyalty” and 335 words in “Forgiving” are hardly small bit parts.

After season three, the Sahjhan character disappears, trappe in an urn. However, as season 5 wraps up and certain characters are given their closure, we get the Connor episode “Origin”, where Connor has to fulfil the prophecy as originally written: kill Sahjhan. He does, bringing about the character's demise two seasons after we'd probably figured he was gone for good.

• Overall ranking: #44
• Ranking on Angel: #22
• Total words spoken on Angel: 2118
• Season 3: 1963 (#9)
• Season 5: 155
• Total speaking appearances on Angel: 8
• Ranking #1: 1
• Minor: 7

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